Questions with Smart Answers

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Re: Questions with Smart Answers

Post by s@qu!b on Sat Jun 21, 2008 6:24 pm

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

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Re: Questions with Smart Answers

Post by s@qu!b on Sat Jun 21, 2008 6:25 pm

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

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Re: Questions with Smart Answers

Post by s@qu!b on Sat Jun 21, 2008 6:25 pm

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

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Re: Questions with Smart Answers

Post by s@qu!b on Sat Jun 21, 2008 6:25 pm

Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

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Re: Questions with Smart Answers

Post by s@qu!b on Sat Jun 21, 2008 6:26 pm

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

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Re: Questions with Smart Answers

Post by s@qu!b on Sat Jun 21, 2008 6:37 pm

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

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Re: Questions with Smart Answers

Post by s@qu!b on Sat Jun 21, 2008 6:38 pm

A man is talking to God.

The man: "God, how long is a million years?"
God: "To me, it's about a minute."
The man: "God, how much is a million dollars?"
God: "To me it's a penny."
The man: "God, may I have a penny?"
God: "Wait a minute."

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Re: Questions with Smart Answers

Post by s@qu!b on Sat Jun 21, 2008 6:39 pm

Here is a good riddle to demonstrate the battle-between-the-sexes kind of jokes.

Q: Why did God create the man before he created the woman?
A1: The answer that men give: To give him the chance to enjoy Heaven on Earth for a few moments.
A2: The answer that women give: Everyone makes a draft first!

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Re: Questions with Smart Answers

Post by s@qu!b on Sat Jun 21, 2008 6:40 pm

Fred is 32 years old and he is still single.

One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"

Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."

His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother."

A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"

With a frown on his face, Fred answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."

The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"

Fred replied, "My father doesn't like her."

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Re: Questions with Smart Answers

Post by s@qu!b on Sat Jun 21, 2008 6:41 pm

A: Doctor, will I be able to play the piano after the operation?
B: Yes, of course.
A: Great! I never could before!

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Re: Questions with Smart Answers

Post by s@qu!b on Sat Jun 21, 2008 6:42 pm

Why couldn't Cinderella be a good soccer player?

She lost her shoe, she ran away from the ball, and her coach was a pumpkin.

(Requires basic knowledge of the Cinderella story and that both ball and coach have double meanings.)

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Re: Questions with Smart Answers

Post by s@qu!b on Sat Jun 21, 2008 6:42 pm

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".
Student: I is the...
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

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Re: Questions with Smart Answers

Post by s@qu!b on Sat Jun 21, 2008 6:43 pm

Two factory workers are talking.
The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."

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Re: Questions with Smart Answers

Post by s@qu!b on Sat Jun 21, 2008 6:44 pm

wo cows are standing in a field.
One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?"
The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!"

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Re: Questions with Smart Answers

Post by s@qu!b on Sat Jun 21, 2008 6:44 pm

Teacher: How can we get some clean water?
Student: Bring the water from the river and wash it.

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Re: Questions with Smart Answers

Post by s@qu!b on Sat Jun 21, 2008 6:48 pm

girl: hey
man:yap
man: how are u?
girl:i am very sick i know if u know iam sick u will be very sad
man: no i will not be sad .i will be more happy becouse i dont care ...

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Re: Questions with Smart Answers

Post by s@qu!b on Sat Jun 21, 2008 6:55 pm

BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!

GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??

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Re: Questions with Smart Answers

Post by s@qu!b on Sat Jun 21, 2008 6:55 pm

SHARON : Have you ever h ad a hot passionate, burning kiss??

TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth

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Re: Questions with Smart Answers

Post by s@qu!b on Sat Jun 21, 2008 6:56 pm

E : Do you have a boyfriend?
C : I have.
E : Is he working locally?
C : No. He is working overseas.
E : Sorry, my company cannot employ you!
C : Why?
E : You will not be able to settle down here permanently. And my company don't want to pay extra expenses on the overseas calls just because of you.

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Re: Questions with Smart Answers

Post by s@qu!b on Sat Jun 21, 2008 6:56 pm

E : Any girl friends?
C : No.
E : So far chased any before?
C : Have, but not successful.
E : Ever think of getting a job first then start looking for a girlfriend?
C : Career is first priority. Currently didn't want to consider this personal issue.
E : Sorry, my company cannot employ you.
C : Why?
E : You are lacking of P.R skills and confidence!!

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Re: Questions with Smart Answers

Post by s@qu!b on Sat Jun 21, 2008 6:57 pm

E : Any boyfriends?
C : Yes.
E : Is he rich ?
C : Yes, very rich.He owns a company.
E : Sorry, we cannot employ you because your boyfriend
don't even want to employ you, neither do we!
C : But,...... there is no position in his company.
E : Then,..... what is your qualification?
C : Secretary!
E : Sorry, we still cannot employ you because your prettiness will affect our managers' working spirits.
C : But,...... I am not pretty at all.
E : It is even worse because my managers will not be interested in you!!

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Re: Questions with Smart Answers

Post by s@qu!b on Sat Jun 21, 2008 6:57 pm

Q: what sound do porcupines make when they kiss?
A: Ouch

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Re: Questions with Smart Answers

Post by s@qu!b on Sat Jun 21, 2008 6:58 pm

Q: what is the longest word in the dictionary?
A: the word smiles because there is a mile between each s.

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Re: Questions with Smart Answers

Post by s@qu!b on Sat Jun 21, 2008 6:58 pm

There were three guys and a dragon . The dragon said, "I am going to eat you.
The first guy said, "No, let's make a deal."
The dragon said ,"O.K. what kind of deal?"
The second guy said, "If we each tell you something that we think you can't do, and you can do all of it, you may eat us." The dragon agreed to the deal.
So the first guy said, "Go to the barn, eat 16 rooms of hay,". The dragon did it.
The second guy said, "Drink half of the ocean water." The dragon succeeded in doing this, also.
The third guy burped, and said, "Catch it and paint it green."
The three guys lived happily ever after!

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Re: Questions with Smart Answers

Post by s@qu!b on Sat Jun 21, 2008 6:59 pm

Amy:Would you remember me in a month?
April:sure
Amy:Would you remember me in a week?
April:sure
Amy:Would you remember me in a day?
April:sure
Amy:Would you remember me in an hour?
April:sure
Amy:Would you remember me in a minute?
April:sure
Amy:Would you remember me in a second?
April:sure
Amy:Knock,Knock
April:Who's there?
Amy:You forgot me already

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